Why is saying i love you so hard?
by Cid Dante
Summary: Cid tries to tell the reason he's fighting for 'i love you'. cidvin


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It's about cid + Vincent and it's set before the final fight. It's also going to be one chapter! Wow….be impressed or not.

Don't own the game or the guys. 

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"If I don't come home," he said.

For the past month and a half, he'd been trying to save the planet from the evil Sephiroth who had summoned a huge rock that was now trying to destroy the planet.

Running around with guys who looked like they'd escaped from a mental ward, in the vain hope that they could stop the aforementioned rock from falling and killing the planet.

What had changed in him? Why was he suddenly into caring?

Why the hell was he about to confess his undying love for one of the strangers?

Damned if he knew but wasn't tonight all about finding the reason they were all on this suicide mission? 

He had always thought that his was to accomplish his dream of space flight. Well, he had but he had remained with the group. Everyone in Rocket Town had been surprised. They thought he would return home once he got what he wanted.

He had thought that he wanted to go home back to Shera but the minute he laid eyes on the person in front… watching the stars as they fell from the heavens in the tiny escape pod. He knew why he was staying and as to why he stayed with the group. 

"Don't mourn me. I don't want you thinking that you have to atone or anything if I don't make it," he whispered, "Cause, I'm damn well going to."

His team mate stood silently on the bridge. Taking in the words his sometime lover said. His eyes watching the couple below them.

Did the blonde not realise that all struggle in the world was useless. The captain had said it himself, "Maybe aint none of us will come back. We're all just gonna die anyway. So lets forget any useless struggling."

However…he had grown rather fond of the blonde pilot. His rash way of thinking, the way he moved…everything. 

They had spent some rather pleasant nights together but none had confessed how they felt. Vincent had almost admitted his feeling in a rush of passion but Cid seemed to be lagging in that area. He barely touched the man in public, while Vincent craved the public display. A simple caress of the face when the others were looking would of sufficed or a loving smile. 

Cid would brush him off whenever he needed some affection when they travelled in the main group. 

But the blonde would belong to another and he would be damned if he allowed his heart to be torn in two again.

Though, his heart screamed otherwise. He had fallen in love with the coarse speaking pilot about a month back and now it scared him to think that he might lose him.

Afraid that he might lose him to the same bitch who had taken his Lucrecia.

Cid stepped closer to Vincent, hoping for some small reaction to the words. He was laying his heart on the line or at the least trying to and Vincent wasn't interested.

It seemed that he was in one of his brooding moods and would not be interested in talking.

He had been sure that he wanted to talk earlier, he wanted to find his reason. Cid assumed that Vincent would return to Lucrecia's waterfall but was pleasantly surprised to see that the raven haired man had stayed on the Highwind.

The pilot took a deep breath, the only way to go now was either up or down. The only thing stopping him was his own feelings of uselessness at saying three little words that could spell the end of pain for Vincent.

"Why should you care?" Vincent finally spoke, the words were filled with weariness, "You will return home to Shera and forget we ever encountered one another."

The blonde cast his blue eyes to the metal deck, why did he care? Why was he spending the last night of his life talking to a human freezer? If he didn't care, then why the hell did he share a bed with the guy?

What happened to the rough and ready son-of-a-bitch Cid Highwind who tried to command the stars?

He fell in love. The minute the former Turk had walked into his life, he fell hard.

"No, I won't," Cid answered back, "Thanks to Sephiroth, I wake up screaming in the goddamn night."

Vincent sighed softly, that was true. He had. Every night since the death of Aeris, he had seen the blonde wake with terror. Vincent had awoke to the pilot screaming when Meteor had been summoned.

Almost on adrenaline, Cid walked over the love of his life. He was going to show him the answer that he wanted. He reached to take out the cigarette that was usually in his mouth but smiled lightly when it wasn't to be found.

Gently, he turned Vincent to face him. He reached and brushed the long hair out of Vincent's dark ruby eyes. He felt every twitch of the delicate jaw as his fingers brushed against it.

"Why should I care?" he smiled. Tears were welling behind his blue eyes and for once, he allowed them to fall over his cheeks. His throat felt like someone had shoved his spear down it.

"Because…because I…" Cid stuttered.

All his new found resolve skidded to a halt, his confidence shattered as he looked at the huge ball of flaming rock just past Vincent's shoulder. The one thing that could destroy the planet and Cid couldn't bare to look at it.

Saving the planet sounded like a cake walk compared to this.

Gentle touches or brushing was about as bold as Cid got when it came to showing how he felt. He would always hid what he felt underneath.

Vincent sighed as Cid touched his face. It was something that he only did in private.

"What's wrong?" Vincent saw the tears fall from Cid's face. The blonde's blue eyes were locked onto something over his shoulder. He didn't even have to look over his shoulder to realise what the thing was.

Meteor.

Ultimate black magic. Holy was the ultimate white magic. They had to attempt a massive rescue attempt in seven days. Seven whole days until it fell.

It would take at least three to four days to actually climb down into the North Crater, a day of travelling in the Highwind and they would have a whole day or so to get their asses kicked by the patiently waiting to be a god Sephiroth.

That was leaving less than a day to actually get out of the hellish area.

"Nothing…I just feel kinda powerless…" Cid admitted, "I mean. I can build a damn rocket but when it comes to saying three little words…"

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So this is what tonight has been all about. The fact that he's trying to tell me something, Vincent nodded, a smile forming on his thin lips.

"Would it help if I said it first?" Vincent had to laugh when Cid almost knocked himself out by shaking his head to quickly.

"No! This is something that I gotta do first," the pilot wiped away tears from his tanned features.

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I love you…what's so hard about that? Cid thought, _I just don't feel the urge to say it now…_

Vincent waited patiently for a few minutes. If he was twisted, he would have been enjoying himself immensely. The seconds turned into minutes as Cid would try and get the words out. Every time he failed.

"Meteor will have fallen by the time you answer," Vincent kept the humour out of his voice, not wanting to ruin the work Cid had tried to scavenge.

He received a foul look from the younger blonde, "I'm trying. It's hard."

Vincent decided to force the issue, he walked away slowly from him. He found it hard not to turn round, he could hear the surprised gasp.

"Tell me when you get serious," Vincent flipped over his shoulder.

Cid stood in shock, this wasn't the reaction he was wanting. He frowned, why had Vincent done that? The damn ex-Turk was always wanting more displays of affection…and now he was walking away?

"Well…well, then screw you then!" Cid shot back angrily, he sighed difficulty as tears threatened to consume him.

He listened as Vincent walked off of the bridge and possibly his life. He slowly dragged himself to the large window, blinking the salty droplets out of his eyes. His heart went out to the young couple below him, they seemed so peaceful. Tifa's hair was blowing gently in the breeze, while Cloud's barely moved.

"Just say ya love her kid," Cid advised softly, "It's all she wants."

Something in his currently out to lunch mind clicked. That was all Vincent wanted, someone to say they loved him. To show they loved him openly.

He slapped his forehead and groaned in annoyance, "Screw a duck! Highwind, you are such a moron!"

Vincent knew that Cid would in the end come to his senses but he was a stubborn man. He needed to see what he would lose if he didn't show how he felt at least once. Vincent knew how that felt.

If something happened to one of them, if one didn't come home, then the other would be left feeling the pain. It wouldn't be a good thing.

Cid simply needed a kick in the backside when it came to expressing things, even in private, the blonde was useless.

The group thought that Vincent was the one who was cold and inexpressive but they had to look at Cid for that. He simply showed it a different way, he hid behind the swears and insults that he dished out.

He had no real intention of leaving Cid in the final battle.

He loved him. 

*********

Following morning

He watched as slowly, one by one the team re-entered the airship. The one guy he wanted hadn't shown. Obviously, he didn't think that he was worth fighting for. So what, he'd still fight for him. Prove his love.

He was almost positive that the team was staring at him as he stood in the corner. They all knew that he hadn't left the airship, were they all trying to figure out what he was fighting for?

He listened half heartedly as the team talked excitedly between themselves, Tifa looked like she was going to kill Barrett for watching them. Red sat happily in the corner, his tail slowly sweeping the deck.

The only two that were missing were Yuffie and Vincent. Cid knew that Yuffie would never show her face. She had always been it in it for the materia that the team had.

He was about to turn to the controls, starting up the main engines to get the ship in the air, when he heard Cloud say rather amazedly Vincent.

Cid turned and grinned, his heart skipped a few beats as he heard Vincent speak in his soft voice.

"Why such a puzzled look? You don't want me to come?"

Cid interrupted Cloud before he could speak, "Of course we want you to come. I want you to come."

Vincent gave him a side glance, "Really?"

Cid pushed his way past Cloud, ignoring the sounds of complaint the young man yelped. All he was concerned about was Vincent.

"Vincent, there's something that I have to tell you," Cid hated the feeling of being watched. All of AVALANCHE's eyes were upon him and he felt extremely uncomfortable but he carried on regardless.

"Vincent Valentine, I think…no, not think. I love you," Cid said slowly, each word made his face burn and his heart race. The urge to pass out was very near and his gloved hands were sweaty.

"And…uh…I was wondering if you would be my valentine?" Cid added, silently he added to that, _be my reason to fight_. 

Vincent said nothing but smiled. His red eyes taking in the smaller blonde and they softened a little. How could he answer to that?

Very simply.

He swept the blonde pilot in his arms and very gently kissed him. Enjoying the surprised gasps that could be heard from the assembled group. Cid wrapped his arms around him, losing himself in the kiss as it deepened. In the end, it was Vincent who broke the kiss, panting very slightly.

"I love you too," he grinned.

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There ya go…not bad…I think. My first fic where cid declares his love! Enjoy and I am sorry for not updating a true valentine…..I need inspiration!

Damn..plus work has been giving me jip….

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